how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
