apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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