She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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