How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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