I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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