That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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