She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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