Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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