Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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