i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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