brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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