i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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