the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
