he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
