I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
