We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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