I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize