i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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