Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
