her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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