Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
