I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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