I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
