She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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