i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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