I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
