On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
