I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
