She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
