lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
