Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
