You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
