Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
do nipples grow back?
Randomize