My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
