I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no you cant smoke seaweed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
