I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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