Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
