I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
