I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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