youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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