Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
