I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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