I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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