do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
