My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
