I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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