So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm at about main and main street
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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