I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
