dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
