Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
