I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
