i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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