If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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