Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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