just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize