trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
