"it" just moved
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want nice things and good sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
