all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
