they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize