I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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