you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
