I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
