You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
