I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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