They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
