I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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