Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
