he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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