I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
