Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
