im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
