Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
