i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
