Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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