Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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