I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
