remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
