what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
