I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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