So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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