mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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