Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
