Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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