Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
