i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
