3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
