You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
