I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
