If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
