I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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