hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
