Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
