im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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