When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
