I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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