I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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