I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
