true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize