i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
