just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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