Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i out mim tonsoeep
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