Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Umm I'm too high to move.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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