We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
