Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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